Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
