Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
