it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
