you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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