then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
