Yo dont text me then not text me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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