apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
