His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
