Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
