And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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