I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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