my vag is so smooth its legendary
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
