Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food

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(231): View more from Michigan

Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i just made my gag reflex go away.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

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(347): View more from New York

ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it

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(254): View more from Texas

It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.

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