On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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