Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
