Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
