so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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