I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
