I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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