tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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