East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
