Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
