But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
