dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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