i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
