i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
