We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
