Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
