Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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