my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
