those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
