her vagina looked like bernie madoff
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
