I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
