LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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