My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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