i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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