the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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