I am midnight drunk by noon
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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