The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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