the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
