not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
