I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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