her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
