If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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