u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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