Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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