There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
