Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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