I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
