weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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