I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i have two assholes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
